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Archive for the ‘Down syndrome’ Category

Ah, to gaze even for a moment into the magic crystal ball for a glimpse of our future. To know that this will all turn out OK! Wouldn’t that be nice? Just a second in front of that looking glass to get the gist of things and know that it’ll all work out ultimately. The thing is, I love a good “surprise” and there are so few good surprises left in this world… so I wouldn’t want specifics if there were such a thing as a crystal ball. All I would really want to know is that, in general, my life and, more importantly, the lives of my children will be OK… peaceful… easy… “successful” each by his or her own standards. Isn’t that a funny statement? Especially when I already know that parts and pieces of my life haven’t really been peaceful or easy thus far…. But, I do know that it’s all turned out OK… so far!

Finding a rewarding career, choosing a mate, maintaining a happy marriage, raising children — raising children with special needs — deciding how to best educate those children, and keeping my wits (and sense of humor) about me are all really difficult endeavors when you’re in the throes of it. Looking back (so far, anyway) IN GENERAL, it’s been relatively easy. But, in detail, it was and is sometimes extraordinarily hard and painful. Tears flow so much more readily these days than they used to and for so many more important and more trivial reasons and emotions.

The truth is, life is a dirty little affair with major ups and minor downs, huge hurdles and tiny victories throughout. No, I don’t know what the details of my life and my family member’s lives will be going forward. But I do know all too well what the details of my life/our lives have been so far. Some things I definitely could have done without and, in hindsight, I’m glad now for other things that have come to pass that I would certainly not have chosen, planned or wished for but that have been unbelievable blessings in my life. No one knows how things will turn out. There is no crystal ball. There is only this life to live to the fullest.

So, without the benefit of the crystal ball, I know this: I will find myself again in some career that will either be fulfilling or not. I hope for the former! My marriage will either stand the test of time, commitment, financial woes, children, Down syndrome, careers and so many other factors that may or may not contribute to it’s demise… or it may not. We will either find ourselves in the 50% that make it or the 50% that don’t. I’m working towards the former! And, my children will be well educated. They will grow up and live their lives according to their choices (and my positive influence hopefully, LOL) as independently and successfully as they are able. I don’t, in fact, know specifically how well they will do. But I’m sure, in general, that it will be awesome in my eyes and, hopefully, in their eyes and in the eyes of the critics. In all of these areas and in my life in general, I believe that regardless of the specific ups and downs that grace our daily lives, it will all turn out OK in the end. That doesn’t mean I won’t fret about and/or shed tears about all of these things while I’m in the throes of it!

There’s a line in Finding Nemo where Dory says to Marlin regarding his over-protection of Nemo, “Well you can’t let nothing happen to him or else nothing will ever happen to him!” She’s right! That’s no way to live a life! We have to be in the game, right? We have to jump in, make choices, make mistakes, find our own way and be gracious enough to receive the good with the bad. We don’t get to pick and choose, in advance, which good parts or which bad parts we’ll take or pass on. But, we do have choices about how these events play out in our lives and how we view the outcome that is our life, in general. And in the end — despite the rough spots –I do believe it will all be OK… however it turns out!

But that doesn’t mean I STILL won’t worry about it… just a little bit (LOL).

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Half of a Hair Cut


They FINALLY let me cut their hair for summer!
Here’s what they would look like if they chose different styles…
Not looking so identical now! LOL

Not to worry, I did finish the job!

Click for more Special Exposure Wednesdays on 5 Minutes For Special Needs!

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My boys don’t have Down syndrome when they’re eating at Wendy’s, their favorite restaurant!

The story linked below was forwarded to me through a yahoo group I belong to of families with multiples where one or more has Down syndrome… like me/mine. I’m linking it here because it was just too good not to share. I’d have reprinted it but Dave Hingsburger, blogger and advocate for those with disabilities, has a creative commons copyright on his blog… so I’m sending you directly over to him to read this extraordinary story… A story EVERY parent of a child with Down syndrome, every body whose life is touched by a child with Down syndrome and everybody who impacts the life of a child with Down syndrome should hear!

Click and read… please.

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I know I’m not the only one who’s ever felt this way. I can’t be. But boy do I feel exhausted… and frustrated with all the child-rearing stuff that’s still on my plate after all I’ve been through. I know everyone in my family has been through it with me… but right now, this feeling of depletion is all about ME! I feel like a terrible mother! I think it’s a post-crisis fatigue reflex to compliment my family’s gag reflex LOL!

Yes, I’ve somehow kept myself standing through the past 6 or 7 weeks of my children’s’ illnesses and hospitalizations. Beginning with a lactose-overload stripping of their intestines. Followed by weeks of diarrhea, vomiting, high fevers, hospitalization, pneumonia, repetitive chest x-rays and experimental treatments, a partially collapsed lung, pulse oximeters, oxygen tanks and more… so much more for my poor little babies. Yes, I’ve dealt with a bunch of difficult stuff (though recognizably minor compared to what others deal with every day!). I’ve stayed up [mostly] through entire nights just to listen and watch him, or him, or her breathe. I’ve slept sitting up in a chair or crunched at the foot of a hospital bed… Only to be awakened multiple times by the beeping of one machine or another indicating some number is not where it should be… some aspect of my child’s well-being is in question. I’ve been knocked down with my own illness in the middle of all this, only to crawl back up onto my knees to keep on praying.

And through it all, we’ve somehow managed to maintain the potty-training regimen for BOTH boys despite hospital stays with IV hoses, IV fluids, and oxygen hook-ups. Despite our inability to double-team our 2-man team of formerly diaper-clad, sometimes incredibly-stubborn-about-toileting little boys. And, we managed — with much help — to get the Old Soul to her socially-important final days of school and end-of-year parties despite the fact that The Sarge and I were sitting bedside vigil in different hospital wards each with our sick little charge. We even managed, very well I might add, to work together to get it all done without disagreement and to still love and respect each other on the other side of our shared crisis.

So why am I so darn bone-tired when things just got soooo much easier? Why am I suddenly feeling inexplicably angry over nothing in particular? Why do I feel like such a bad person for feeling this way NOW after all we’ve come through? Why do I want to scream at the top of my lungs, “NOOOOOOO! I don’t WANT to drive my beautiful little men 60 miles a day to and from a school that I wish they didn’t have to go to for Summer!”? Why am I blaming anyone but myself for gaining back a very few lost pounds during these trials and tribulations (sitting on my butt in a hospital room, eating nothing but hospital food)? And with a small but definite lull in our daily activity, why am I not able to carve out a moment of time or energy to refocus just a little tiny bit on myself to eat right and exercise? Now that things have settled down, why do I feel the need to run away [briefly, mind you]… To jump in the car all by myself and drive somewhere of MY choice [not too far away in case my kids need me] to spend a peaceful and quiet moment enjoying the way the sun sparkles on the water’s calm surface?

Ah… there’s much wisdom buried in that last heartfelt desire!

Yes, I’m more than a few years into this journey but I’ve just figured out that, at times, there are going to be days, weeks and even months like this. Thankfully, most days my cup runneth over — truly! — with the joy and laughter of my beautiful children. But when these hard days, weeks and months hit — and they will — I’ve learned that I have to take the time to refill my own cup afterwards! Like storing nuts for a hard winter, I have to replenish the used-up supply!

I don’t know for a fact that I wouldn’t have had these same kinds of days if a couple of my children didn’t have special needs! Or if a couple of my children weren’t twins! Or if maybe I had just a couple less kids! But I promise you, I wouldn’t trade my beautiful kids for the world! Besides, listening to my mother’s crazy child-rearing stories, I realize it’s not about the number or type of kids you have. And it’s not about the breadth or depth of the crisis! It seems to me, no matter what kind of kids you have — kids with special needs, 5 kids, only-children, teenagers, boys, girls — sometimes this motherhood thing is tough! And when the Post-Crisis Fatigue reflex sets in, only a moment of respite will fill your cup and prepare you for the next wave of life, whatever it may bring.

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Footprints


Growing up, I read the story, “Footprints”, about a faithful man coming to the end of his life and finally having the opportunity to meet Jesus at the gates of heaven. Throughout his life he’d been promised that Jesus would always walk with him if he believed. As he reviewed his life, he saw there were two sets of footprints in the sand — one set his own and one set belonging to Jesus who walked beside him as promised. But, he noted, during the most stressful times in his life there was only one set of footprints in the sand. He asked Jesus, “Why would you abandon me during the most trying times of my life?” And Jesus answered, “It was during those times, that I carried you!”

I see the footprints in the sand… and I know that I am NEVER alone! I am surrounded by the footprints of those God sent to help me, love me, save me… Including the unique footprints of my beautiful children who happen to have been born with an extra 21st chromosome. And I know that through my most stressful times, it is THIS gift especially — my amazing children and their undying, unconditional and all-encompassing love… for me, for life, for all — that will carry me through my most stressful times. I believe and I thank God for them every single day!

Check out more Special Exposure Wednesdays at 5 Minutes For Special Needs.

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Day 1

I think I knew that our Monday morning visit to the Pediatrician was a formality. By Sunday evening, Sarge and I were pretty sure we were dealing with pneumonia. My research said that most pneumonia’s are treated at home so I didn’t know enough to take my poor sick Little Man to the ER on Sunday (or even better, on Saturday). I did call the Pedi’s emergency line on Saturday evening and explained my Little Man’s rapid shallow breathing and high fever… but because he’d already started on antibiotics, I was advised to wait one more day to see if the medicinal effects kicked in. I know some of you must be gasping and thinking I’m an idiot but I hesitatingly agreed. I guess I didn’t know any better…. this being my first experience with pneumonia…

Pedi said my Little Man’s blood oxygen saturation levels were way too low (81) and with crackling lungs we were likely dealing with pneumonia, but would need a chest x-ray to confirm it. I drove straight from the Pedi’s to the local hospital with all 3 sick kids in tow and my Blue Tooth lodged in my ear to alert Sarge that he needed to leave work and meet us there. The ER parking lot was full and as I slowly and carefully (I swear!) backed out of the over-packed lot a rude and impatient lady screamed at me. I opened my window and kindly said, “I’m sorry. We’re all experiencing tough times here coming in to the ER” to which she replied, That’s right BIT** followed by extraordinary expletives the likes of which would get me kicked out of the blogosphere if I repeated them, I fear. We met up with her again on the inside. But when I carried my little man in and signed in at the desk, they IMMEDIATELY whisked him into the ER triage (some small satisfaction that my emergency was apparently more critical than hers so she had no business yelling at me like that!) The x-ray confirmed the Pedi’s diagnosis and the Little Man was immediately put on 02. After awhile, the ER MD said they were not prepared to deal with my Little Man’s oxygen requirements and had arranged to transport him to the Schneider’s/Cohen’s Children’s Hospital on the north shore via ambulance.

Our first ambulance ride! Lights, no sirens!

Long story a bit shorter, after much debate and varied treatment over several days it was determined that the Little Man had a nasty case of what turned out to be viral pneumonia. At one point part of his lower right lung folded and collapsed but quickly re inflated apparently (that was the good news). I spent 20 hours per day in the Pediatric ICU, relieved by the Sarge for 4 hours in the afternoon to go home, shower, dine and spend a few hours with my other 2 children before returning to my Little Man’s bedside. On the 5th day during my 4-hour respite, I noticed my Big Little Man breathing hard, shallow, fast. I called the Pediatrician’s after-hours emergency line to express my concern. At this point in the Little Man’s treatment we were still operating under the impression that we could be dealing with a bacterial pneumonia which MIGHT respond to antibiotics. So, in an effort to avert disaster with my Big Little Man who was on day 7 of a 10-day round of Omnicef, I asked if I could get a stronger antibiotic? Our Pedi said there really wasn’t anything stronger and if the Big Little Man was going down the same path as his brother there was little we could really do about it. The next morning at the Pediatrician’s, my Big Little Man’s blood 02 levels were at 87. Without hesitation, the Sarge drove up to the Children’s Hospital for the all-confirming x-ray. If we were going to have 2 kids in the hospital, it might as well be the same hospital…. And so it was.

My Big Little Man was admitted to the Pediatric floor with a lesser if not identical case of his brother’s viral pneumonia. The seriousness of his brother’s condition playing into the decision to admit.


Day 8: My Little Man (left) was allowed out of ICU to visit his broey on the Pediatric floor…
But broey couldn’t leave the Peds floor even though he wasn’t as sick… weird huh?

The Little Man spent 15 days and nights in hospital, 12 of them in ICU. The Big Little Man did his time — 7 days and nights — on the Pediatric floor. We’re all home now, thankfully, though the Little Man still requires oxygen at night. His lungs were harder hit and will therefore take awhile longer to recover.

So here’s what I learned:

  • Fluid in the lungs develops as a function of the illness/virus and worsens due to inactivity. Activity helps the body to reabsorb the fluid automatically. Inactivity lets the fluid sit there… and increase. This is why so many older and/or post-surgical folks develop pneumonia, the inactivity promotes the conditions prime for developing pneumonia.
  • Because of the moisture and reduced lung capacity, spots of pneumonia begin to develop and grow. I thought the fluid was pneumonia and that one either had pneumonia or didn’t. But the docs talked of pneumonia as areas of pneumonia. More like it was mold on a bread. My analogy! For example, my Little man had “a large pneumonia in his right lung on the lower right lobe and 2 smaller ones in the same area.”
  • Unlike pneumonia, other respiratory afflictions have a generalized — all over the lungs — sound in the doc’s stethoscope. Pneumonia is localized to the spots where fluid has built up and pneumonias have developed. This localization is a telling difference.
  • Oxygen helps heal the lungs, helps the sufferer breathe deeper and reduce the fluids… drying out and reducing the pneumonia spots.
  • Pneumonia in the lower lobes of the lungs are harder to cure because they’re sitting in the fluids, thriving.
  • Viral pneumonia — like viral anything — does not respond to antibiotics. If antibiotics are prescribed it’s to address and/or prevent secondary infections.
  • Docs will often run viral panels testing for hundreds of known viruses because knowing which virus you’re dealing with can provide clues to how the virus will react, how long it will take to dissipate, and what co-symptoms may be present (like fever). For the comfort of the patient, meds may be prescribed to ease the symptoms… but NO meds will cure viral pneumonia. Viruses must run their course. (They could not identify the virus that caused The Boys’ pneumonia.)
  • Bacterial pneumonia is treated with strong antibiotics. How do they know and/or differentiate between the two? If the prescribed antibiotics don’t reduce or cure the pneumonia then it must be viral. (That’s why it took some time to ascertain our diagnosis of viral pneumonia.)
  • Viral pneumonia is also recognized/diagnosed when it doesn’t respond or progress in any prescribed fashion… which is indicative of a virus. It improves and degenerates, ebbs and wanes on it’s own time clock. It’s a 2-steps-forward, 1-step-back affliction. And, generally, the oxygen requirements slowly follow behind the recovery with 02 levels lagging significantly behind the clearing chest x-rays.
  • Asthma, sleep apnea and heart defects exacerbate pneumonia because they further challenge the sufferers’ ability to breathe. (My Boys do not have any of these conditions despite the docs’ insistence that these were likely playing a part in their slow recovery. Tests confirmed that I was right, The Boys don’t have any of these conditions.)
  • The prescribed treatment for viral pneumonia is oxygen and time. All the other stuff they throw at the sufferer may or may not help. They could effectively address secondary issues — which my guys didn’t have. They may do absolutely nothing — in which case, why do them? Or they may make them worse. My Little Man suffered agitation, the shakes, full-body weakness to the point where he couldn’t stand and a rash all over his torso from the Albuterol treatments (generally used to address swelling of the airway in asthma).
  • Generally, coughing up the mucous stuck to the walls of the lungs and airways is a positive thing when dealing with pneumonia. There are several ways medical professionals address this. The old fashioned way is by patting the back hard with cupped hands (called “chest PT or physical therapy). The hospital also has several size suction cups to use instead of cupped hands… very effective but The Boys HATED them. The Thera-vest is a life-vest sort of contraption that fills with air and then pounds their lungs from back and front for a 10-minute session. They do this every x hours. The Little Man had it every 6 hours… and was very annoyed each time… especially at night. And, finally, in severe cases, a contraption is attached to the bed and pounds the bed-ridden patient at automatic intervals. Thing is, if mucous plugs — as they’re called — are not seen in the x-rays, none of these more extreme treatments are necessary. Us? I cupped my hands and patted their backs every time they coughed and in between, to encourage passage of mucous. This is just a good practice for any coughing or congested child.


Day 11: The Little Man’s Thera-Vest treatment (notice the blurred hands indicating rapid vibrating).

Finally, how did/does the fact that my beautiful Little Men also have Down syndrome play into this health fiasco? The answer is…. hardly. In fact, because my boys have no congenital heart defects related to their Down syndrome or otherwise, that did not contribute to the reduced blood oxygenation levels though many a doctor and resident suggested that as an explanation for their slow recovery (until they tested just to be sure I wasn’t lying, and found the Boys didn’t have any heart conditions). Additionally, my boys had tonsillectomies/adenoidectomies last year to address the sleep apnea issues that sometimes afflict children with DS. For the record, people with DS do not have large tongues, rather, they have slightly smaller oral cavities (mouths) and normal-sized tongues and tonsils. Having that surgery means that my boys’ airways are clear and the reduced oxygen levels cannot be excused as a result of such obstructions.

Finally, and, in fact, the only area that their having Down syndrome came into play in this pneumonia scenario, was their slightly lower muscle tone. My guys actually have pretty high muscle tone for children with Down syndrome, falling in the low range of normal (like their mama LOL). Still, their lower muscle tone made/makes for a longer recovery period. That is, because the lungs and diaphragm are muscles, their lower tone and this period of inactivity means it’s going to take them a bit longer to recover their previous tone than in a person with high muscle tone. Like everyone else, under using a muscle results in atrophy. To regain the tone, working those muscles out via activity is the only way to address this… which is why the Pedi sprung us from the hospital… with oxygen. The Boys needed to use their lungs, to breathe deep, to suck some wind. It would be like you or I (unless you, the reader is a marathon runner… rest assured the writer is NOT) suddenly getting up to run a marathon. We’d be winded over and over again during practice runs until our lungs and diaphragm learned to accommodate the extra activity. The Boys are practicing to run their very own version of the marathon called post-pneumonia life. And they’re kicking butt…. slowly!!!

Yes, pneumonia is a double edged sword. You must get enough rest to clear the infections but also get up and move to clear the fluid from your lungs (which the body will reabsorb with activity) and to exercise your lungs and diaphragm to recover. Too much of the former will make the latter more difficult. And too much of the latter will make the former worse. Now that The Boys have cleared the pneumonia spots or infections, we’re walking that fine line between rest and regaining our former muscle tone while avoiding a relapse of pneumonia. We’re not quite there yet but we can see their progress every day if not in their blood oxygen levels, then definitely in their respiratory rates. The rest will follow in it’s own time.

End Note: For all you parents out there, whether your child has Down syndrome or not, I strongly suggest you have your Pediatrician check your healthy child’s blood oxygenation levels with a simple office pulsox (not sure I’m spelling that right but every doc should have one). This will give you a baseline reading for your child should you ever need it. Never having checked The Boys healthy oxygenation levels, but because of the longer recovery time, the MD’s began making assumptions that the high 80’s might be my Little Man’s baseline oxygenation level and they were planning on cutting him loose prematurely — a potentially deadly decision with viral pneumonia. Fortunately, we knew deep down that his hospital numbers were still low. You see, we have a control! My Big Little Man, his identical twin brother, is running several days ahead of the Little Man in his pneumonia recovery. And his oxygenation levels are several points higher and rising. That’s a pretty good indicator that the Little Man’s numbers will keep going up. The Sarge and I are confident that the Little Man’s numbers will continue to rise with the prescribed treatment for pneumonia… time and oxygen.

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I sat in on a meeting as a Parent Member of the Committee on Special Education (CSE) with the shared responsibility of making decisions pertaining to the education of a child in my town. For privacy reasons, I’m NOT going to share anything specific about that meeting or that child but I am going to share an AHA! moment that knocked me upside the head during the opening remarks of the meeting and was then revisited and reinforced throughout the meeting… FOR ME. I’m not sure that the other committee members saw the light bulb glowing over my head. You see, my role in the committee is slightly different from the other members. Everyone else is there to report on the child’s progress and services. I am there because, to some degree, I walk in the shoes of the child’s parents… but (perhaps) can listen and respond less emotionally because we’re not deciding the future of my child. In this role, I can ask questions or make suggestions that the parents may not have thought of. In theory, it’s not personal. In reality, whoever said that wasn’t a parent of a child with special needs… (LOL) IT IS ALWAYS PERSONAL!

For the record, EVERYTHING I do that involves children with special needs is personal. I have 2 children with special needs. Every piece of information I gather and apply either to my own children or to another parent’s child is done to make their world a better place. And the more parents of children with special needs I can help navigate the world of special education in our district and state (in whatever way I can), the better off their children — and therefore my children — will be in our schools, community and world. So it is, in fact, very personal!

My AHA! Moment? The Dad mentioned that he’d had the good fortune to attend a particular school known for naturally integrating the local children with special needs in with the general population in their schools and community. He found the experience extraordinary. Recalling that even the most unlikely “typical” student was automatically and outright helpful to the children with special needs. Everyone benefited.

To which I responded in agreement…

Now that’s REAL INCLUSION!

I’ve always considered myself a REAL inclusionist! My life has always been intertwined with children/people with special needs. As a second-grader, my dear friend, Alex, was wheelchair-bound due to Cerebral Palsy. I played constantly with him and his little brother, Vinny, who had a learning disability. Most of my childhood was spent on the “dead end” street around the corner with my life-long friends, Alison and Kelley, whose Aunt Carole had special needs and often joined in our tea parties. And, Uncle Stevie lived with my cousins and spent countless hours playing Cowboys and Indians with us. At 15, one of my most enjoyable “baby”-sitting gigs was being a companion to Johnny, a brilliant teen aged boy who happened to have been severely physically affected by Cerebral Palsy (but unaffected cognitively). I can go on with examples of people with special needs being really included in my life, throughout my life. Seems I’ve always been naturally enmeshed with people who were differently abled than I. It was natural for me then, to expect that this is how the world is — integrated — with people with special needs fully INCLUDED in all areas of life. Then I had my own children with special needs — my identical twin sons who happened to have been born with Down syndrome! I have known from the start what I wanted for them… The research shows that full-inclusion in all aspects of life — school, community, workforce etc. — produces the best, most successful outcomes socially/emotionally and academically… spawning the greatest level of independence possible. As such, I’ve consistently followed the inclusionist path and the inclusionist advocates’ and experts’ advice and mindset. That said, I’m not sure why this particular meeting’s underlying inclusion theme shook me down to the very foundation of my soul. I guess it pushed the concept of REAL INCLUSION right in my face… a little boy who needs, yearns for, and thrives on being included in his school and community… BUT WAS NOT QUITE THERE and he knew it because of the way the school district does “inclusion”!


The Boys marching in their Thanksgiving Parade at their integrated Preschool. Not quite full inclusion but they are being educated side-by-side with some of their typical peers.

A child who recognizes that he attends a different school than his siblings because he’s “different”; A child whose friendships don’t include the kids who live next door or around the corner because they go to the neighborhood school and she doesn’t; A child who rides a different bus… the “short” bus; or goes to a separate “special” class where all the children have disabilities — usually in a far wing of the school — is NOT INCLUDED! They are being segregated. And the process of segregation and the thinking behind it is pervasive. Someone at my own CPSE meeting actually said TO ME [when erroneously trying to sell me on the self-contained class they recommended for my boys], “It’s so cute, they go down to the cafeteria at lunch time and eat with the REGULAR KIDS!” (I’m sure you can imagine my reaction!) Maybe they LET your child participate in Art or Music class with the general population. Maybe they mainstream (different from inclusion) for story time only and then send the child with special needs back to his/her segregated class. This thinking, these practices are why New York state continues to lag behind 48 other states in our nation that are implementing the inclusion laws. Why NY continues to separate people with disabilities from those without despite the laws that require them to do otherwise. This is NOT inclusion, it’s discrimination!

Just because Johnny or Jane learns differently from Tommy or Tess doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be or can’t be in the same classroom. As a corporate executive, I was responsible for understanding the individual learning styles of each of my employees and using that style to facilitate their career path and growth within my department, employed by our same company, living and operating together in our shared world. INCLUDED regardless of their learning style. Why should it be any different for a child in school? I didn’t fire all the visual learners because they didn’t listen to me or catch on during trainings. I bought them books so they could learn their way what they needed to learn to do their jobs well. I didn’t sit my employees who learned by watching in the corner with a book. I assigned mentors (read: peers) to show them how to do it, to facilitate their learning. I provided individualized support for each person according to their learning style! In my 20-year career as a database marketing executive, I managed to teach and forward the careers of every employee I ever had. Never terminating a single employee.

The Federal Least Restrictive Environment Law was developed to accommodate inclusion whenever and wherever possible. The law states (my accurate paraphrasing) that a child with special needs should be educated side-by-side with his/her typically developing peers in the least restrictive environment where he/she can make academic progress with appropriate supports in place. The law exists because the research supports INCLUSION as the best practice in educating children with special needs. The best outcomes are reported when children with special needs are fully included. The problem is that school districts are left to interpret the law, to determine what level of support is appropriate which, unfortunately, becomes a matter of convenience (easier to place them in the existing special needs class than to put together an individual support-infrastructure in the general education setting) and budget (schools receive funding for each child placed in a “special” class supporting on-going segregation) versus what is BEST for the child. Their interpretation continues to support the antiquated infrastructure and segregated thinking ignoring the research that supports the inclusion laws!

INCLUSION IS A BEST PRACTICE! INCLUSION RESULTS IN THE BEST OUTCOMES FOR OUR CHILDREN WITH SPECIAL NEEDS. INCLUSION IS THE WAVE OF THE FUTURE THAT WAS MEANT TO BE IMPLEMENTED TODAY! Is your school district practicing inclusion according to the Federal laws?

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I’ve been remiss in posting. I’m not sure any of you miss it so much as I do. My ability to handle what the world throws at me dwindles when I don’t get things off my chest and, more importantly, when I forget to stay focused on all the beauty in my world. I have so much to be thankful for. Sadly, I’m human and sometimes neglect acknowledging all the good stuff in favor of dropping to my knees and screaming, “I can’t take anymore!”

You see, I take on too much and I’m a procrastinator at heart. I try and counter these tendencies by doing everything just as soon as it’s presented for doing…. read: NOW. I know, of course, that it’s not possible to sustain this practice or mindset indefinitely so, inevitably, I crash. And I’ve been crashing lately. All the things that need to be done that I’m not getting to — in favor of the more important tasks like caring for my children and being involved in their lives — are weighing heavily on my mind. And, my mental health and house are suffering for it! Generally, I’d spend what could have been a rejuvenating mental health weekend trying to catch up on the housekeeping… TRYING and marginally succeeding before inviting our “regular” life back in… And the cycle begins again.





Then something or someone reminds me by telling their story — either about how much cr*p they’re going through or how thankful they are for the blessings in their lives — and I get hit with a 5 ton brick of guilt. My moment of questioning why I feel so overwhelmed is inevitably followed by a good soul cleansing that only thankfulness affords me.

That’s when I know I’m on the right track again… I just have to keep reminding myself that it feels good even though it appears, on the surface, like one more unnecessary thing on my to do list. (Kinda like exercise! LOL). Anyway…

[1] The boys are having their potty epiphany… At age 5 (and not a moment too soon with Kindergarten just around the bend)! I was beginning to think my Potty-Epiphany method of toilet training might not be possible for my identical twin boys who happen to have Down syndrome. Shame on me for ever thinking that my extraordinary boys, blessed with an extra 21st chromosome, might never have the potty epiphany…. Proving true once again that children with Down syndrome can do everything any other child does but they do it in their own time and in their own way. So, 5 is the magic number for us and I’m potty training. I’ll let you know how it goes…


[Hold on, the 20-minute timer is going off. Gotta go put them in front of the potty.]

[2] I’ve been yelling a bit too much today and it’s not making me feel very good about myself or my parenting skills. Why? You ask. Because my Old Soul is being 8! She has some nerve acting her chronological age instead of her old soul’s age. Not doing what she’s told and then complaining when my ignored advice turns out to be just what she should have done. It’s no fun being ignored. But it does prove that she has a mind of her own and she is willing to risk everything to use it. That bodes well for her future… My present? That’s another story.

[Needed a nice-sunny-day break but I’m back after taking the kids for a visit with Grandpa in the nursing home, a jaunt on the playground and a walk at the Nautical Mile waterfront.]

[3] Yes, we’re just back from taking the kids to visit my Dad at the nursing home and I’m feeling pretty lucky to still have my Dad to joke around with. That’s more than many of my friends can say. Though he’s drugged and deteriorating — succumbing to the evils of Alzheimer’s and the meds necessary to control his sun downing behavior — he still recognizes us. He lovingly kissed The Boys’ imaginary boo boos, played that pull-your-hands-away-before-I-can-slap-em game with the Old Soul and demonstrated his warped sense of humor is still in tact in between momentary drug-induced naps. He’s alive and kicking [though barely] and I’m glad for the few moments of pleasure I witness as he plays with his grand kids. Needless to say, my Catholic guilt comes bubbling to the surface when I miss several weeks of visits when my crazy ol’ life gets in the way, but his lost sense of time makes him think we’ve just been there the day before… even if it’s been several weeks since I’ve come. It’s hard seeing him like this. But, I am glad he’s still here.

[4] The nice weather is finally, hopefully, seasonally upon us to stay, I think… and pray! That’s important because it’s a surefire way to lift my spirits. I LOVE to be outside with the sun shining in my eyes, feeling its warmth on my skin, going for a run-walk in the neighborhood, gardening. Hitting the beach, jumping in the pool or runing through the sprinkler with the kids. We go to church carnivals, street fairs and medieval festivals (goofy but we LOVE them!). I’m committed to getting back into kayaking and SCUBA diving this year (I promised The Old Soul she could give the latter a try.) More daylight hours, less coats, warm days and cool nights, no school (at least for the Old Soul). Oh, the potential for fun is endless. Yeah, Summer’s in the house! Woot Woot!


[5] I know this sounds trite and I know every mom must feel this way at least 99.9% of the time. But I’ve got to say it… I’ve got the best, most amazing kids. Seriously, they’re growing up big and strong and healthy. They’re gentle and kind and loving (except when they’re really tired, like right now, LOL). They’re learning, progressing and becoming beautiful little men and woman right before my very eyes. They blow me away! I am in awe of each and every one of them… with their understanding of the world and the consistent love they have for all living things all demonstrated in their own unique way. I am truly blessed!

May I never take any of these extraordinary gifts for granted.

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OK, so how’s this for original… Instead of posting what I’m thankful for on Thursdays like everyone else in the blogosphere, I’m going to do it on Fridays and call it “TGIF and Other Thankful Thoughts”. LOL! Here’s where my thankful thoughts are taking me tonight:

[1] I’m thankful that The Boys’ birthday 5th Birthday party is finally upon us. Though there’s a lot of work yet to be done, I’m certain that we’ll end up with a beautiful day and a reasonable number of guests to join us singing to ABBA and Alvin & The Chipmunk Karaoke-style tunes. It’s gonna be waaaay fun!

[2] I’m grateful to all the people in our lives who totally accept The Boys just as they are. Their friends are their friends because they truly LIKE The Boys. Completely unsolicited, several of their classmates — did I mention they’re in an integrated preschool class — have asked if they could have a play date with The Boys at our house. One child said The Boys are his “favorite school friends”. And two others said they like my beautiful little men because they’re “ALWAYS so nice to me…ALL THE TIME!” At 5, it’s a pretty big and positive impression they’re leaving on their classmates… their friends!

[3] I think our friends are our friends for the same reasons… We do really good play dates and try to be nice to people. That last part might be one of the 10 Commandments — goes something like “Do Unto Others As You Would Have Others Do Unto You”. OK, that’s not verbatim and maybe it’s not a commandment but it’s a really good rule to live by. And I hope my friends know that I am grateful for their friendship, support, camaraderie and laughs… especially the laughs! May I be as supportive of each of you on whatever journey you’re on at any given time as you all have been to me.

[4] By the grace of God, I’m thankful that my house didn’t catch fire and burn down (some of this 2oo+ year-old lumber would go up like tinder) when the light burned out in The Old Soul’s fish aquarium night-light lamp last night. The strong smell of burning and smoke woke me and I turned off and unplugged everything I thought might be the cause. Turns out, those swimming fishies and that little light put out a lot of heat… which could have been a much bigger problem than it turned out to be. OK, so I learned the aquarium is not the best “night light”. I’m incredibly grateful to have learned this something new “the easy way” instead of the hard way. BTW – that reminds me: change your batteries in your smoke detectors! Ours was inadvertently disconnected for construction and never hooked back up again. NOT good!

[5] And, finally, I’m beyond grateful to my Yahoo Biggest Loser Challenge 2010 group. With their constant support, motivation and inspiration I’ve managed to lose a little of myself (9 lbs so far). If I do that 3 more times, that’ll be a total of 36 lbs gone and I’ll almost be at my goal weight. I know with their help, I can do this! Psyched!

There’s so much more I’m thankful for but I’m incredibly tired and have a BIG, FUN day ahead of us tomorrow. Take a moment to think about what you’re really thankful for. A grateful heart is good for you!

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